Snowfall and a change in perspective

Over the holidays,  hubs and I were lucky enough to travel to my hometown of St. Cloud, Minnesota to spend Christmas with my family – a first for him and 6 years since my whole family was together.  We got everything;  perfect snowy weather that eased up during our flights in and out, traditional family dinner, holiday baking and Christmas gift extravaganza.  I got to meet my cousin’s babies and spend quality time with my Grandma, whom I never know when I’ll see again.  This trip, in itself, brought a change in perspective for both myself and David.

During the trip we were unlucky enough to both catch colds, or at least that’s what we thought it was, until nearly two weeks later when we were no better off and finally went to see a doctor.  This made for a pretty unpleasant flight home  and a less-than-exciting NYE on the couch watching Netflix.  Needless to say I’ve had a lot of time to think (thanks to completely losing my voice for 5 days) and plan for what I really want to accomplish in the upcoming year.  Now that I’m on the road to recovery it’s time to put some of those thoughts into action.

My biggest question was “what do I actually want?”  You can’t exactly plan for things if you don’t have a goal in mind.   I really struggled with this – there are so many things I “want” but they weren’t cutting it in the grand scheme.  I want what everyone wants; financial stability, more free time, a vacation to the tropics.  But what I realized, and this is a bit hard to say, is that what I want (need) is happiness.  This year I want to be happy.

It’s not that I’m completely unhappy.  I experience joy and passion all the time.  But the essence of myself has become, through the course of starting a business and the other demanding facets of life, more about stress and obligation than anything else.  And while I love what I do, who I am with and have great hope for my future, I am lacking that fundamental feeling that used to propel me through the day.

I highly doubt I’m alone in this – we all have stress and obligation and most people say they wish they could/would spend more time doing what they love.   Nevertheless, it’s a very difficult thing to realize and admit to.  I don’t allow much time for weakness and this is how I see it.  It’s a lot easier to stay busy,  ignore and make excuses for the lack of effort you put into personal fulfillment than it is to face the fact that there is more to the story.  And once you realize that the reason you don’t allow yourself to be happy is insert reason here you have the next hurdle of figuring out how to fix it.  That’s a lot to take, especially for someone so busy like me and you.

But I’m about to turn 29, which is young but not, and I really can’t think of a better time to plant a prettier path to follow than now.  I’m almost positive that my 30 year old (and 40, 50, etc.) self will send me a Thank You card.

So I started (while bedridden) to examine my life as it is now: what works and what doesn’t.  I looked at my health, my household, my business, my relationships, and my finances and wrote down whatever came to mind, good and bad.  From there I was able to identify some key sources of stress and comfort and started with a general list of goals for the year.

What I want for 2011:

1. Be a better friend and strengthen important relationships

2. Get a handle on my finances

3. Be more active and social (i.e., get out of the office)

4. Grow the business as a self-sustaining entity

5. Nurture (the activities that bring joy) and eliminate (wherever possible, the elements that cause anxiety)

6. Actively cultivate positivity over negativity

Next Steps: I began to list things for each of those main goals that I can tackle now to give me a sense of accomplishment that will help me keep moving.  I’m a list-maker and this helps me a lot, but I also recommend making a coffee date with a close friend – if you express your goals aloud and get feedback and support (not to mention the feel-good moment of seeing someone you love) you are more likely to take action.  I’m going to continue to blog about my next steps and you can keep me accountable!

So that’s where I have been.  On vacation and a mental retreat.  I wanted to start the year with this topic because I think I’m not alone in this, and the steps I’ve decided to take seem approachable and realistic for lasting improvement.  My hope is that, for anyone who struggles with this, it will at least inspire you to take the first step and lay the groundwork for your future selves.

Happy New Year

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