Monthly Archives: January 2011

Goal #5 in this year’s Inspired Life series is two-fold.  To Nurture the good and Eliminate (or lessen) the bad.  For clarity, I made a list of things in both categories, but they’re actually different in terms of approach.

The Eliminate category will help to identify the biggest stressors in my life (for instance, the nagging feeling that every time I open my email I’ll discover a major catastrophe that I haven’t the first clue how to solve.  It hasn’t exactly happened yet, but the feeling haunts me).  My hope is to narrow these to a common theme, or at least a couple of themes, so that I can ultimately address the problem itself (fear of inadequacy, judgement, etc.).  With my example, I want to look at the reasons for feeling that I’m not doing a good enough job and see how I can retrain myself to think and act differently.  I can’t stop checking email, and I’m bound to have problems arise at times, so how else can I rework my day so that dreadful feeling doesn’t wake me up in the morning?

So what stresses you out?  If you look really closely at your biggest frustrations you’ll probably recognize that they often stem from the same core problems. While this problem may technically seem bigger than the original stressor (i.e., related to self-worth, money, a certain relationship) the clarity of it makes it more approachable.  Try it out – like a coin sorter – toss in your stress and separate it out into neat piles that you can tackle.  Take a look at your options for changing the pattern.  If you’re honest you’ll likely see an answer arise pretty quickly.

The Nurture section is more of a list of feel-good activities that I plan to work into a regular schedule. A few things on the list: 1) Using the anti-aging facial mask that takes 45 minutes to dry, 2) Making my bed in the morning, 3) Spending a weekend morning in bed with magazines (and my new portable scanner so I can upload all my new inspiration without moving).  This also includes a nice cup of  Nespresso in my favorite cup ‘Mrs. Jones’ (Mr. Jones prefers coffee).

Next Steps: The Action Plan

This post is part of an ongoing series called Inspired Life.  To see previous posts, please click on the Inspired Life category.

Tweet

Just as the phrase ‘Your life is what you make it’ rings true, so is the concept that ‘your friendships are what you make them.’

So my first goal, in an effort to focus on the important things in life this year, is to be a better friend.  I have some great friends, near and far, and it’s high time I nurture those relationships.

In my mind, the qualities of a good friend are these: Loyalty, Empathy and Awareness.  I think I’ve got the first two down pretty well, but my awareness in general is lacking these days.  I’m ashamed to admit I’ve missed a few Birthdays, forgotten the names of friend’s dogs and significant others, and ignored phone calls because it seemed like too much effort to catch up (because I’m busy and exhausted all the time).  But no more.

I accept that I am, in fact, a very busy person and I can’t possibly remember all the appointments and to-dos in life.  So I have an online calendar that I live by – it’s organized by category and syncs directly to my phone.  I can pretty much guarantee that if I don’t put something in there it will be forgotten.  Likewise, it serves as motivation for other things (i.e., 8pm yoga) that may otherwise get skipped.  So why not make things easy on myself and use the calendar to be a better friend too?

So I started by getting all my friends Birthdays in there and setting reminders so that I’ll get an email and/or text message before or on the big day.  For friends that I’m not that close to but want to make an effort I set the reminder for the morning of.  That way I can send them a quick text, Facebook message or phone call right away and not have that “oh shit” moment at 10pm when I’m climbing into bed.  For other friends, mainly the ones who live nearby, I set a couple reminders – one, a few days or weeks ahead so I can see how they want to celebrate, and another the day before or day of.  Plus, even without the reminders, I see it listed on there and it makes me think nice thoughts about them.  Good start.

My next problem is just about not making enough effort to stay in touch with friends.  It’s not an easy thing and I know many of my friends and readers have the same complaint.  Days just slip away and suddenly it’s been months since you’ve talked on the phone or met up for coffee.  And the longer it goes the harder it becomes to pick up the phone.  Since I’m an organizing fool I thought this could be remedied with a spreadsheet and the calendar.  I know it sounds a little, um, (anal,  forced, enter uncomfortable word here) but I really think it will help.

So I made a list of friends I want to start focusing on.  I created columns like Meet, Phone Call and Check In and marked how I want to keep in touch.  Most friends fall into a few categories because, for example, I want to make an effort to meet up with them but also just check in on a regular basis.  With that established, I decided the frequency that I would be making the effort by putting extra marks in the category.  Keep in mind that this is just to get me on track, I don’t plan to schedule my friendships forever!

Here’s a sample of my little list:

Now is where the calendar comes in.  Since all my friends are busy too (as I’m sure yours are), scheduling coffee dates or movie dates is almost a must.  Even phone calls, the good-long-catch-up ones are probably better when you both plan for it.  So I let my ladies and gents in on the plan and asked if and when would work for them.  A couple girlfriends and I vowed to get together for coffee at least twice a month.  So we put it on the calendar the first and third Wednesdays.  A few out of state friends agreed that a monthly catch-up call would be great, so we tentatively scheduled those too.  Things are bound to come up and it’s important to be flexible, but I think just having a plan to do it makes a difference.

I also decided to put a notes section in my little list.  This is for things that wouldn’t be regular but I need to be reminded of: like planning a small dinner party or checking out a new yoga class.  When I see it I’ll think “oh yeah, I wanted to see if Nicole wanted to go…” and so on.

Hopefully my nerdy love of Excel spreadsheets will help me become a better friend this year.  Having a visual of my efforts will motivate me and reduce the anxiety that I’m not doing enough.  This is important for me because the other key to being a good friend is to be present when you’re with them.  When I’m stressed or feeling guilty my mind is elsewhere, and that’s almost as bad as not doing anything at all.

PS, everybody has their own system so I encourage you to try a little planning if you’re feeling at all like I am.  I’m in love with Google Docs - I use the spreadsheet and word processor to do everything.  That way I can sync it to my phone and share it among my work and personal email addresses so I can literally access them anywhere.

Also check out:

Punchbowl.com -  an online calendar and reminder system

Birthdayalarm.com and Birthday-Reminders.com – with these you can even select and schedule cards or ecards to be sent

If you have a smart phone, they also have some great apps out there to keep you organized

This post is part of an ongoing series called Inspired Life.  To see previous posts, please click on the Inspired Life category.

Tweet